


Let's Get a Drink!

by BeatrixGtheMaskedDogNoobsomeExagerjunk



Series: Quaff Catharsis Nexus AU [1]
Category: BoJack Horseman, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Rick and Morty, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol, Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship, Blurry Distinction Between Universes and Dimensions, Crossover Nexus, Drinking & Talking, Everyone Has Issues, Gen, How Pink/Rose is there is hard to explain but will be explained, Villainy, relationships, “What is this? A crossover episode?”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-01-29 11:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21409264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeatrixGtheMaskedDogNoobsomeExagerjunk/pseuds/BeatrixGtheMaskedDogNoobsomeExagerjunk
Summary: A supervillain bioengineer walks into an interdimensional bar and meets an alien rebel leader, a terrorist of a scientist, and a celebrity actor horse.May include more fandoms. Cartoons only.
Relationships: Lord Boxman/Professor Venomous
Series: Quaff Catharsis Nexus AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543360
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Let's Get a Drink!

**Author's Note:**

> A random note so I guess people who aren't in all fandoms can get an idea of their voices:
> 
> ** _[Professor Venomous, as played by Steven Ogg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qAiN_OTVT4&t=25s)_**
> 
> **  
_[Rick Sanchez, as played by Justin Roiland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh1OTgoagUs&t=227s)_  
**
> 
> **  
_[Bojack Horseman, as played by Will Arnett](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P4_E3GhUv8)_  
**
> 
> **_[Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond, as played by Susan Egan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA3PUEoQQ9o&t=22s)_ **
> 
> the fact that not many people opened up to a Rick and Morty X OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes! crossover yet is disappointing--both shows have the same probability and potential for crossovers
> 
> was supposed to be limited to PV and Pink/Rose but I got ambitious when I started seeing the parallels
> 
> will be littered with headcanons, btw--some of our mains are enigmas on their own
> 
> everyone is an au version of canon except for Rick; i'll try to write that bastard to the best of my ability
> 
> this shot is in the perspective of Professor Venomous
> 
> **Context for non OK K.O. Fans**
> 
> Professor Venomous comes from a universe filled with superheroes and supervillains. He is the absent father of the heroic protagonist K.O.
> 
> A bunch of complicated things led him to be a supervillain and married to another supervillain. His past will be further explored throughout the series.
> 
> You always could watch the show.
> 
> **Conext for non Rick & Morty fans**
> 
> Rick Sanchez is a genius scientist who travels dimensions through a portal gun. He’s achieved many scientific feats, as well as fight in a rebellion against a galactic federation.
> 
> The show focuses on him and how he deals with his family. It seems implied that he left his daughter 20 years ago and came back to her family, with her husband and two children. Rick frequents adventures with his grandson Morty.
> 
> The series intends to explore Rick’s abilities to cope with pain.
> 
> For more insight about his character, it is recomended to watch the show.
> 
> **Context for non Bojack Horseman fans**
> 
> Bojack Horseman is a celebrity in a world identical to our real world minus the fact that some people are anthromorphic animals, him being a horse. He is an actor.
> 
> The show is heavily focused on him as a person, as well as 4 others who have a relation to him in some way. The show focuses on his dysfunction, his desires, and his struggle to become better.
> 
> Recommended to watch the show because this character is a heavy case
> 
> **Context for non Steven Universe fans**
> 
> Rose Diamond is a name taken by the character in reference to this storyline. Reason will be explained later on
> 
> In canon, we have Pink Diamond, a leader of a caste-like colonizing race of gem based aliens. She is a character unhappy with her purpose and inability to live up to said purpose that she uses her power to attain her happiness. By forming a false identity in the name of Rose Quartz, she starts a war between her own government for the freedom to choose outside given purpose, ultimately faking the death of her original identity to continue the false identity that allows her to choose freely.
> 
> This series will allow her to explore the consequences of her actions while unable to properly make up for it
> 
> To actually see the consequences of her actions, watch the show

"Please don't get too drunk, P.V.,"

"You know how much I loathe alcohol, Boxy,"

"Not when there's enough sugar!"

Professor Venomous looked at the card in his hands—laminated in plastic, illuminating a soft white.

His name was on it, as well as the apparent proper name of the universe he lived in, and his profession: _supervillain bioengineer_.

The back of the card had more information; the text was glitchy.

"I'll be back later tonight," He then kissed Boxman.

"Love you," Boxman leaned against the doorframe of the cabin, watching Venomous get into their car.

He sighed as the electric vehicle zoomed away, disappearing in a flash.

He felt a sudden nudge at his knees.

"Alright alright, Mikayla," He went back in to attend to his daughter, "I'm coming."

* * *

Thank Cob the card had such a detailed, holographic map.

Thank Cob that Boxman gave the car a teleportal upgrade.

That so-called Quaff Catharsis Public House piqued his interest ever since he first got the invitation.

It was a small gift box the size and shape of a notebook. The parchment used was foreign, the elements of its composition now one of Venomous's next few research projects. The text was laminated yet looked inked:

> Let's get a drink. New friends await!
> 
> \- QCN

It was ominous yet inviting.

He didn't expect to get another via a dream. He found it to be horrific.

That was when he knew he had to go.

The address pointed to a very simple structure as if eyeing one of the dullest buildings in the multiverse.

There were good and plenty of parking space, and he decided to park near the front of the establishment.

He removed his lab coat then stepped out of the car.

He walked inside to find a very well-furnished area--the marble walls were painted to look like wood, fire-like light reflecting on them from the dangling, lantern-like LEDs.

The room seemed endless, with halls that led to numerous unknown rooms. There were multiple staircases for the elevation of some tables.

It seemed relatively empty. Was he too early?

Venomous checked the card--nope, wrong--the invitation for any details on time.

He looked.

Nothing. It seemed to encourage him to come whenever he wanted.

He walked in further and immediately noticed his sudden change in dress.

That's odd.

His muted violet sweater turned into a more venomous green, almost like his Boxman's. Near the collar was the print of a snake curling around like a scarf. The sleeves and the bottom of the article seemed to be covered in scaly diamond designs. It was soft and comfortable, a little thicker than his initial sweater but it seemed to do.

His pants were now black denim, still tucked in into a pair of boots that were this time obviously made of snake leather. The scales glimmered. They were white with a tinge of green.

The main bar seemed to be in the center, and so quickly he approached it.

There was no bartender.

He sat in one of the seats, facing towards the door and tapping his fingers against the tabletop.

He glanced at the invitation once more--he was supposed to meet a **_Rose Diamond_**?

His train of thought was interrupted by the slide of glass, startling him.

Venomous faced a footed highball glass containing what appears to be black cherry soda topped with a swirling cream sherbet and a common cherry.

A long-handled ice cream spoon suddenly slid into view, just right next to the drink.

He looked around. Was there literally no one there?

He took the spoon, picking the cherry and biting into it already, mixing the white soft serve into the blood-red drink.

One spoonful and suddenly Venomous felt he could taste sugary heaven, as well as a sliver of bitter aftertaste--it reminds him of Billiam Milliam's vortex vodka. _"A taste of black matter,"_ as it was advertised. Venomous knows how well his colleague ruled the international markets of, well anything on the planet, really.

He loathes the aftertaste.

A sugar packet is slid into view:

> Brown Sugar

"What the--"

Out of nowhere, the front doors slammed open, voices audible and echoing into the establishment.

"And the guy apparently forgot one of his newborn kids!"

"Yeah, that's typical of seahorses. Can't," A gross burp, "a-always be there for all of your kids, amirite?"

Venomous decided not to look at the newcomers, taking the sugar packet.

"Sure, Rick."

Unfortunately, they noticed him already.

"Huh. We're usually the first ones here."

"Explains that one car outside," Footsteps got louder as the two distinct voices came closer.

Venomous fiddled with the sugar packet, which exploded on his fingers.

"Shit!" He cursed.

"What's your fucking deal?" He looked up to see an old man drooling obvious liquor, leaning against the tabletop seated next to him.

The old man was dressed in a turquoise long-sleeved collared shirt, wearing a beige silk scarf. His pants and shoes were gray.

The old man eyed the sugar.

Venomous threw the sugar packet away, dusting the sugar off his fingers.

"Nothing to be concerned about," he replied, proceeding to mix his drink again. "I'm going to assume you and your," Venomous looked behind the old man, seeing a horse—they're old too and oddly familiar, "friend, uh, have been invited too?"

"...you're new." The old man remarked. The horse was then seen getting a glass of whiskey with a lemon on it.

"Yeah, I'm new," He drank. "Professor Venomous."

The old man slimly raises a brow at his name, "Rick Sanchez. The other's BoJack Horseman,"

"Wait," The recognition hits the bioengineer, "you mean the movie star, right?"

"That's me," Bojack slammed his now empty glass on the tabletop, turning to face Venomous. "I'm not free for autographs by the way if you were wondering."

"I didn't think he existed in your universe," Rick commented. "You've seen Horsin' Around?"

"I'm...sorry?"

"Huh," Murmuring to himself, "that's how I found him."

"I think he means Secretariat," The horse said with arrogance, suddenly with another drink in hand. Bojack downed it to punctuate the clarification.

"Yeah, that's the one..." Venomous trailed off, confused at the sudden refill.

Bojack was wearing a long-sleeved collared-shirt of a bluish-gray color. He wore a mint green sweater vest with a golden horseshoe print at the chest area.

"You must be Rose's new partner," He tried to start some conversation. "She's been crying ever since her old partner had to go."

"Old partner? So like, this group thing behaves in a buddy system?"

Rick burped, loudly. "Pretty much. Her old partner was this asshole **_Discord_**—some chimera monstrosity from a little girl's pony world."

"He sounds like a bad guy," Venomous replied. "What got him to leave?"

"Well, he started acting less like a bad guy which I think kicks him out of the group or something? I dunno," Bojack rambled. "I mean, I'm not Rick's first partner, so you got nothing to worry about, uh..."

Venomous waited for Bojack to finish.

"Uhh..."

"His name is Professor Venomous-"

"Professor Venomous! Y-yes, Professor."

The said professor concluded the two in front of him are full on alcoholics, more so than his colleague Cosma.

Heck, a lot of the villains he knew very well drank. Even his husband drank on occasion, which was more frequent than his drinking. Why he wasn't into liquor he wasn't sure about—was it his heroic upbringing, how good heroes shouldn't drink so much?

Cob, how much he loathed himself for not being strong enough to get what he had wanted years ago. Villainy was Venomous's calling, and he couldn't believe he let a traumatic accident be the push to the life he knew deep down was for him.

Maybe he should just quit putting meaning to some of his choices. What did it mean to be himself, anyway?

"You guys know anything about Rose?" He asked the two, trying not to think about it.

"She's nice," Bojack said.

"And a dumbass," Rick was out of nowhere holding a bottle of vodka—the brand name seemed to be written in an entirely different language. "We rarely talk to her."

"I assume because of Discord?"

"No doy," Bojack snarked.

"What the hell are you drinking?" Rick pointed at the supervillain's half-empty serving of cherry bomb cream soda.

"Look, this just appeared when I got here,"

"Oh my God," Bojack tried to hold in his laughter, amused at the thought that somebody's go-to drink was cartoonishly sweet and lavish.

"You don't drink, Professor?" Rick asked.

"I drink," He reclined against the tabletop, facing the door like earlier, "I'm just not into bitter drinks. Maybe it’s...also my sweet tooth. Who knows?"

"I'm sorry," Bojack laughed out, "but you have to be evil to mix your ice cream float into your soda like that, holy shit," Bojack almost cringed at the sight. The cream was swirling into the dark of the soda, appearing like some sort of marble formed from the blood of some creature's liver.

It did look disgusting, but it tasted so damn good.

"Well, I _am_ evil," Venomous put the spoon down and proceeded to chug the contents of his glass.

"Aw, that's fucking disgusting!" Rick exclaimed, almost gagging into the bottle he was drinking out of. “Fuck floats, man!”

"Says the asshole who burps every five seconds,"

"It's n-" **BURP**, "n-not that fucking frequent, Horseman,"

Venomous slammed the glass onto the table. "I won't lie, the drinks here taste amazing."

"That's why I keep coming back to this fucking group thing," Rick's bottle was refilled mysteriously. "Can't help being an alcoholic."

"Same," Bojack chimed in. "Well, I'm really more lost in this...dimension than a regular patron, but yeah."

"How exactly did you-" **CLANK!**

Venomous caught the sight of a pink crystal having fallen from—he looked up to see a starry abyss—Cob knows where, onto the tabletop, right in front of him.

Venomous picked it up, feeling as though he was holding solid mist, but—"Hey!"

"Drop it," Rick said, retracting his hand from slapping the crystal off Venomous's hands.

Before the crystal collided on the floor, it levitated and glowed. Energy wrapped around it, slowly shaping into a humanoid form. After a woosh of sparkle, the figure was given clarity.

Landing down on the floor, "To pass the time, I tried following your science-y experimenting, Rick! Let me just say that I'm starting to learn a lot about this form,"

"Glad I could help," he said with disinterest.

The figure looked feminine and spoke with a female voice. They were pink all over, hair and skin included. Their hair was a bundle of curls and fluff, their eyes bright and stark like diamonds. They wore a petal-like blouse-dress with pink puffy pants. Their flats were adorned with rosebuds, and there was one on their hair as well. They wore solid pink gloves, rosy lace instead for the fingers.

Professor Venomous's presence immediately got this stranger's attention.

"Welcome to the Quaff Catharsis Public House!" They greeted. "I'm a gem of many names, but you may call me Rose."

"You must be my partner," Venomous held out his hand for shaking, "I'm Professor Venomous."

She gasped in glee. "**_You_** must be my new partner!"

Rose then took him by the shoulders, "I'm so glad we finally meet! I bet we're going to have so much fun talking and drinking together,"

"M-Me too," He spat out, startled by her energy.

She then bounced off Venomous and landed down to the vacant seat next to him.

Taking the glass of wine that just manifested into her hands, Rose reclined back, "You know Professor Venomous, I never thought much of the physical processes of drinking until I tried it myself! It's a shame most organic creatures don't think much of it."

"Are you," He cleared his throat, "implying that you're incapable of drinking?"

"She's a rock, dumbass," Rick insulted.

"I'm a Gem, not a rock, Mr. Sanchez! I thought you were smart enough to tell the difference."

Rick groaned, "I mean that you're rock since—"

"You're inorganic?" Venomous finished.

"Yes," Rick and Rose said together.

“That’s quick of you to figure out, Professor,” Bojack commented.

“I’m a bioengineer; it’s imperative that I know the difference,” He reclined back, only to see his empty glass refilled as if he hadn’t drunk it earlier.

“Oh, that happens all the time here. You’ll get used to it,” Rose said. “Isn’t it silly, just how this bar repeats its tasks without complaint?”

“More like depressing,” Rick snarked.

“That’s...one Heck of a mystery,” Venomous raised himself back up, taking the drink, this time consuming the ice cream and soda separately.

“There’s no way you’ll keep drinking that, right?” Bojack asked, a little concerned about whatever that purple man was drinking.

"I didn't ask for a refill, Mr. Horseman, but here we are," The professor raised the tall glass into the horse's direction, afterward continuing its consumption.

"Is anyone else here yet?" Rose asked excitedly, her hands gripping the sides of her chair.

"Dude's the first one here," Rick pointed at Venomous with his thumb. "Campbell should be here anytime."

"The ridiculous amount of criminals that keep ending up here is starting to make me wonder how I haven't been arrested yet," Bojack stated.

"Don't beg for it," Rick replied.

"Not all of us are criminals, Bojack," Rose said. "We just have some... troubled beings, and now our dear Professor Venomous!" She plops her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm a supervillain,"

"Like that makes you a criminal,"

The two drunks groaned in frustration.

"Depending on the context, I sort of am." Venomous paused his drinking.

"Aren't all supervillains criminals?" Bojack asked.

"Not necessarily. If you can be evil within the law, you're still a villain," Venomous explained. "A colleague of mine is an evil businessman. The only reason why he hasn't gotten arrested is that the things he's done are still legal. I'm surprised a lot of the shit he does **_is_** legal if I have to be honest."

"Like what?" Rick asked.

"Well, he's running galaxy truffles into extinction and there are no anti-hunting laws for that creature specifically, uh..."

He brainstormed some more, "Oh, and that spa he owns that runs on Midas fizzy water! He can get away with turning his customers into gold because they aren't exactly dead per se...just golden? I don't fucking—look, I have enough self-care to not need a spa."

"I'm sorry, did you just call a truffle a creature?" Bojack tried to clarify.

"Galaxy truffle—rarest of all truffles, and to my research the only sentient one. Tastes amazing on anything. Legend says their flavor can disguise poison."

"Is that like," Rick spoke up, making an odd gesture, "you know...?"

Venomous understood immediately, "No no, they're not druggy. Still worth getting in my opinion."

"But you just said they were being hunted down to extinction," Rose said. "Why do that when you can preserve them and let them roam free as they wish?"

"That's the villain's market for you, honey."

The sound of a ringing phone cut into the conversation.

"Hello?" It's Bojack's. "I'm out of the room...No, it's alright,"

The other three awkwardly looked at each other then back at the horse.

"Uh, can I request four of those specials in my room? Bottled, please...yes, all of them!"

Bojack then ended his call.

"Four bottles of whatever after the good shit here?" Rick commented.

"It's supposed to even out my palette!"

"Four sounds excessive,"

"I'm a horse, professor. It takes a lot for me to get drunk."

"And you intend to?" Rose asked.

"Duh. Plus, that hotel has been," He made a gesture, "heaven for me!"

"So you're stuck in this dimension and have been living in that hotel you brought up for how long?" Venomous asked.

"It's been a good two months," Bojack then reclined against the bar desk. "How ironic that the morning I was supposed to head to the rehab center to curb my crippling alcoholism, I wake up in this bar surrounded by a shit ton of strangers!"

"You were just summoned here?"

"Well, I got an invitation. Not sure how that got me sent here though. Right now, I'm thinking it might be my initial desire at the time to get drunk."

"Sooo," Rick interjected, pulling a gun of sorts from his back, "portal back or?"

"I'd rather walk,"

"And all alone? Let's all walk together!"

The other three looked at Rose.

"No, Rose, it's fine."

"Y'know, I have a car," Venomous said. "How far is it from here?"

"It's probably about...a fifteen-minute drive."

"Or we can go by portal, literally a one-second walk." Rick insisted.

"True, that does sound more efficient," Venomous said.

"And miss out on the beautiful sights here in the Nexus?" Rose considered. "Professor Venomous happens to be new here! He deserves the freedom to look around."

"I mean, I'm not in a rush," Bojack remarked.

"Are you fucking kidding me? This place is literally just a God damn, common-ass cityscape!" Rick complained, "I've been here many times enough to know this place has nothing interesting to offer!"

The three were taken aback by his brash rise in volume, "I could take us to some really beautiful shit."

"Suit yourself, asshole," Venomous spat at Rick, rising from his seat. Bojack and Rose followed.

When the three were outside the bar, Rick grumpily got off his chair, smashed the now-empty bottle against the tabletop, fired his portal gun and went through.

**Author's Note:**

> more fandoms enter in future shots
> 
> get ready for some con-men to join in


End file.
